Biting Your Tongue

 

I have learned the secret to life-- and how to deal with things you cannot control...come closer....

*whispers* Keep it to yourself...

Tell God your problems. 

Try and live as Jesus lived. 

Words are a two edged sword and can easily cause more chaos.

Rely on your ability to stare at a wall and process by locking yourself in a room and avoiding hurting others in the process. 

    Therapists will tell you something way different. Talk. In reality, people are going to misinterpret your anger and anguish as an attack because quite frankly if you are that upset, you will be in attack mode. You aren't perfect and you can't sit there and spill your heart out to your loved ones and expect them to take the abuse. It will cause hurt feelings and a lot of pain to just listen to all of your problems that probably stemmed from either those around you or situations you can't control. 

    I know, it is exact opposite of what I preach on my lives: Rely on others, find an accountability buddy, keep talking to feel good, blah blah blah. But if you are in a state where nothing but venom will seep out of your mouth, it is best to process the harm on your own by either reading, writing, drawing, coloring, or my favorite... staring at a wall processing how the heck I can continue on like this. 

    It's an insane concept to actually detach from those around you and try and regain energy internally, but this has worked for me in the past. Everytime I am allowed to just be alone and focus soley on my inner beasts, I emerge from my cave a more "at peace" monster. 

    Being a bipolar monster this requires medication for me. I take xanax to avoid ending up in a mental institution to "process" there, of which they will make me process for more than a few hours and it will be stretched out to days. 

    Those precious days that I am needed
    Those people that count on me for my services. 
    Those moments my children need to be fed and cared for. 

    I can't afford to waste away in a jumpsuit and some playdoh day after day to help me cope with life, so I gotta do it on my own. 

    It's really redundant to say that moms are very protective of their baby cubs, and when they can't protect them it is a fierce emotion to try and keep to oneself as they get hurt. It is easier to walk towards the attacker and make a valiant effort to knock them out of our kids' lives, but the right thing to do is allow the attacks to be sent and quietly teach the kids to defend theirselves. 

    Staying silence in the midst of the shadow of death is definitely the hardest way, but the most healthy way. 

"Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue for the betterment of the situation--definitely the hardest thing to do."

-Lil