A Big Change

 I'm way different than I was last year. 

I have...evolved...

I'm way different and I am fighting it and I don't want to have to fight it. No lie to you, at all, but my dreams lie in an open field, surronded by good food, good people, and a good homegrown hangout. 

I have zero desire for bars, for overpriced steaks and loud abnoxious music blaring in my ear. 

What I am actually craving

Time with family that I seem to not be able to get enough of right now. 

Eating well, and picking my own food. 

Spending days moseying around the backyard playing with the dogs. 

Hitting the gym for some awesome me time. 

Making my kids laugh, making my parents proud, letting them know I am always well and making sure my family gets everything they want in life. 

    This is way different (complete 180) from what I was like just last year. I battled over and over again with this ideology of being my own independent women and giving into whims and feeling superior in some weird way by wearing a certain thing on my certain back. I would spend weekends try to plan "around" the kids and not fully engaging in their desires. I would run and run and by the time I was home, I was exhausted and they would spend hours playing on electronics (being quiet) as I watched television to chill out for the first time all weekend. 

    Now it seems I have flipped that. Other's outside of my home are wanting my time, and I am telling them I am tired, I am busy, etc. 

    My kids are only going to be young for a short amount of time before I will be "free" to do all of the crazy. My dogs will eventually pass and leave me to be free to attend every single thing I "missed out on" at this point of my life. 

    I will be a grandma here literally in a few more months. My whole world will be then again, engulfed into family. I will not be an absent grandmother. I will take care of my kids' kids when they need a break from being so "responsible" all the time. 

    I want to retire here in the near future to the country and live out my days in gardens, and picking flowers, and doing yard work. I want to stay close to the family. 

I am different. I love you all..

Lil